Think Snow


   Former Congressman Trey Gowdy, now 79 years old, called anew in September for an independent investigation of Hillary Clinton, a full two years after the former First Lady’s death. Gowdy declared “it’s never too late to learn the truth.” While Clinton was secretary of state in the first term of President Barack Obama, she used a private means of communication, known in those days as email, instead of following accepted practice by communicating via a government-controlled facility.

   Charles “Chuck” Schumer celebrated his 93rd birthday in November by giving a short speech (by his standards) at an assisted-living center in the Catskills. While the press was not invited, two employees of the center told reporters the former Democratic Senate leader seemed genuinely touched and surprised when he was presented with a birthday cake shaped like a large microphone.

   Former U.S. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell died in April at the age of 101. He served in the Senate until he was 80 and then began a second career as a writer. Among his works were a memoir, “Standing Up to Donald J. Trump—Tweets I Wrote But Never Sent” and a biography,  “Merrick Garland, Socialist and Crybaby.”

   The Dairy Queen Corporation announced in March that Devin Nunes, a former member of the U.S. Congress who chaired the House Intelligence Committee, was stepping down as Senior Manager of Flavors. His departure from DQ follows five quarters of diminishing sales, a sharp downslide that began with the introduction of pizza peach sundaes with bacon. Since leaving Congress, Nunes, 70, has steered clear of politics with one exception, showing up at Hillary Clinton’s funeral and shouting “lock her up.” He was joined by a crowd of about 100 others, many of them wearing faded and torn “Make America Great Again” hats.

   In June, Vladimir Putin was interviewed for the 75th anniversary of "60 Minutes" by a device that replicated the voice of Lesley Stahl. The piece opened with the Russian President-for-Life sitting shirtless on top of a hairless pig. During the interview, he proudly opened a drawer of an antique Russian commode where he keeps the ashes of Donald J. Trump along with copies of the former American president's many unpaid loans to Russian banks and a four-hour video of his state funeral  in Moscow. 

   Nearly a quarter of a century after leaving Congress, Paul Ryan, the one-time Speaker of the House, is now by most accounts the owner of the largest driver-less car franchise in the United States. Ryan has been quoted as saying “I became sold on the future of driver-less vehicles while Donald Trump was president.”

   For the 17th straight year, the Ecuadorian Embassy in London has been named the Inn Keeper of the year by the British Hospitality Association. As in past years, Julian Assange, who has spent a third of his 90 years living in the embassy, declined to comment. Friends say the founder of WikiLeaks fails to see any humor in the BHA’s insistence on naming the Ecuadorian Embassy the winner year after year.

   Relatives of Nancy Pelosi let it be known that they have renewed a contract to keep the former Democratic House leader’s body frozen for at least another 10 years. According to sources close to the family, Pelosi was really never interested in cryonics but agreed to have her body frozen simply because she knew it would irritate Republicans. Time has proven her right.