Re-Electing Trump Might Be An Economic Necessity


     As elated as millions of Americans would be to see President Donald John Trump denied re-election, we should consider the devastating impact his removal would have on the U.S. economy. 

     We should keep in mind the possibility that:

     --All the dozens of fact checkers hired by news outlets since 2016 being told “you’re fired.”

     --The U.S. Treasury losing all those millions of dollars coming in from Mexico to pay for THE WALL.

     --All the analysts on MSNBC being at a loss as to what to talk about and having to return to their regular jobs where their colleagues are sick of hearing them spout off. Without a hated punching bag attracting a solid audience, MSNBC just might be forced to air re-runs much of the day of an old NBC product, the Jerry Lewis show.

     --To pay the rent and put food on the table, out-of-work crowd size estimators would be  bagging groceries at Whole Foods.

     --Publishers might decide Mitch McConnell’s proposed memoir, “In Search of a Backbone,” might not be a blockbuster after all.

     --The bottom could fall out of baseball hat sales, especially the red Make America Great Again versions.

     --Already overburdened landfills could pose even greater pollution dangers as a result of the thousands of discarded MAGA hats (of all colors, not just the red ones).

     --Those potentially fantastic beaches in North Korea would remain undeveloped, and I think we can all agree, Democrats and Republicans alike, it would be a damn shame to deny American investors such a great opportunity.

     --Novelty toy manufacturers might have to lay off thousands of workers, including the part-timers from Central America who were making toilet paper with Trump’s face on it. (Full disclosure: The author was given three rolls of Trump toilet paper last Christmas and is now down to one, having given the other two to solid citizens at the gym.)

     --After a spat with FOX, Sean Hannity might start his own network, Sean Hannity Interviews Trump or the SHIT network, devoted to around-the-clock repeats of Trump interviews, podium rants, news conferences and bill signings. 

     --Lawyers expecting to be hired to defend more indicted Trump appointees in a second term might be seen filling out job applications at Whole Foods. 

     --Alec Baldwin could end up begging for a shot at impersonating another character on Saturday Night Live.

     --Republican experts on health care who claimed Obamacare would be easy to repeal and replace might jump at the chance to stock shelves at Whole Foods.

     --Vodka sales could spiral downward with the expulsion of hundreds of Russian agents whose extravagant spending had helped our economy.

     --Trump’s adult children being granted immunity by the courts could scare Donald J. Trump into looking for a ghost writer for a new book tentatively entitled “Kids Say the Darndest Things.”

     I like the new bumper sticker I’ve seen around my part of Long Island:

     Any functioning 

           Adult

            2020

     Amen.