January 3, 2023
Dear R.,
You’ve heard me say a thousand times “you buy the best gifts.” There was the fine watch you gave me for Christmas three years ago. There was a handsome jacket one year, and then this year the fascinating New York Times book on their coverage of the New York Yankees through the years.
And there was that warm drawing you gave Grandma and Grandpa, showing the two of us with all four grandkids seated and facing a snow-covered mountain. Sometime ago you gave Grandma a puzzle, which I gather, when assembled, would duplicate the picture of us and the grandkids.
As you know, Grandma is smarter than I am. For one thing, she has a Masters and I don’t. She never opened the puzzle box. (Apparently living with me is puzzle enough for her.) She’s made clear she never ever, ever, ever planned to open the box. Well, two days ago I did and dumped all the pieces on the coffee table.
You should have heard me grunt when I saw how many pieces there were and how small they were. Did you talk to your doctor friends before ordering the puzzle? Is it some kind of test of how far gone into senility we are? Would it be regarded as a good display of mental acuity if I could finish this thing in time for my 90thbirthday, five years away?
I spent an hour fooling with your gift, and all I got done was one small row which goes, I think, at the bottom of the damn thing. My performance was worse than the Jets who lost 23-6.
Are you going to help me finish this, so I can clear the mess off Grandma’s coffee table or—and I’m serious here—am I going to have to sue you? Any fair judge would order you to help with the completion of the puzzle. There’s no need to be shocked by this threat of legal action. Family members sue each other. Just look at the Trump niece who is suing him. We’re as good or better than the Trumps, yes?
Hope to hear from you soon.
Love,
Grandpa
P.S. No, neither one of us would use a unicycle.
(Posted January 3, 2023).)
